And the beat goes on...

Maybe Alanis Morissette says it best - it IS Ironic.

One has to constantly work at being positive and practice mindfulness.
Just when you've got yourself convinced that life is golden, and that everything is
perfect something comes up to make all that positivity go black like a burned out light bulb.
The moment of epiphany quickly turns into a dark room with no windows in sight.

It is just so easy to slip into a destructive, non-productive frame of mind that makes it seem that living is so difficult.

Being alive can feel so...deathly tiring.

You live, you learn. Sometimes the hard way more often than not. You've usually got post-it notes taped in the most conspicuous spots, the bathroom mirror, by the computer, on the wall by your bed - notes that are part of the "landscape" of your everyday life that you end up not noticing they are even there. Then you might as well take down the scraps of colored paper littered around you.

Life doesn't stop till you're dead. You can either bitch about that, or just get on with the business of living and just take it a day at a time.

There is always someone who is having a harder (more boring, more tiring, more stressful, more drawn out, more challenging) life. It's all about perspective - and when you're down in the dumps, feeling like you're lying in the gutter all by your lonesome, if we stop the pitying ourselves long enough, you will look around and notice that - it's crowded down here in the gutter of hopelessness.

I often hear - Life isn't fair! Well, who says we deserve for it to be anything but?
Life is a challenge, an adventure that we either face as intrepid adventurers or miserable wayfayrers.

Choose.

Life is what we make it.

The glass is always either half empty or full - it is the fool who has a more determined point of view that makes a happier fool. Does that make any sense at all?

Let's take that example. A glass of water (or Pepsi). To someone who doesn't like soda - to see the glass as half empty might be a relief if they are *required* by some twisted rule - to FINISH the soda. To someone who is thirsty and has no other drink available, half a glass is not enough, so they'll take what they can as quickly as they can.

So which is better now? Half empty or half full?

Perspective, darlings, that's what it's all about.

When I feel so overwhelmed, I take a step back from everything and just - do nothing.
Re-assess where I'm at and how I truly feel about things, and try to take a good look at the state of my life at the moment.

Things could always be better, but there doesn't seem much sense in complaining.

Acknowledge your lot in life, and make the best of what you've got.

I told a friend today that even negative feelings can best be dealt with by just letting the feeling sit with you. Identify, Acknowledge, wallow if you must (but not for too long), and move on.

Keep moving.

You're alive, be glad that you are.

Things can and will get better.

Believe it.

Life is good, regardless of the circumstance... The Universe Has A Plan, that's what I'm sayin'!

Memento Mori

Enjoy life while you can.

The sister of a friend passed away two days ago and I visited the wake last night. I went clear across town - more for the bereaved rather than the one who has passed on. 

This is especially true for the wake I took part in (albeit for a brief period of time) in order to give my friend a hug and to let her know, tangibly that, aside from her immediate family there are friends who will stand by her through what is possibly one of the most trying moments of a person's life.

The sudden, unexpected loss of a loved one.

Many times I forget what a gift it is to have those I love within an arm's length, a hug, a text message or a phone call away.  I am guilty of passing by those I keep near and dear in my heart with not so much as a glance and quick smile.  possibly too wrapped up in whatever it is I am doing or feel that I need to do that I don't have enough time to pay attention to anything or anyone else. This happens more times than I care to remember - why? You ask.  Because they are always there anyway, and it isn't like I won't see them again in possibly a few minutes or in the morning when I wake up.

But...what if. . .
...I don't wake up?
...they don't wake up?
...something unpleasant happens between the time I last see them and the next time we meet?

Not to be setting a morbid, depressing or negative mood here. This is meant more as a  reality check. 

A gentle, although maybe not so subtle reminder to myself, a mental note via this blog entry, as you will - to take every opportunity to let those who matter to me *know* that I care about them.

When I am mindful, I remember to check in and ask family and friends how their day has been, or even the more common question - "have you eaten yet?" if only by way of checking in and letting them know - hey, you matter to me and even in the most mundane way, I'd like to make sure that things are all right in your world.

I want to remember to take the time and check in with those who matter to me, to those who make a difference in my life simply because they are part of it.

Reality check -

Death is inevitable.

Sometimes those we love leave this world when we least expect, and even when their demise is something that isn't too much of a surprise (as may be the case with the terminally or chronically ill)  the moment you find out that they are gone will always be a blow you can't begin to imagine until the truth and reality of someone's death stares you in the face.

I hope I remember to take time to let those I care about know that they are important.
That I am here for them if they need me and that I'd be more than happy to help them if I can in whatever capacity I can muster given the circumstances. MY circumstances, to be more specific.  I might not always announce my availability or willingness, but I can only hope that they trust me enough to know that all they need to do is ask.

Life should be lived, experienced, enjoyed, LIVED.
While we can - for as long as we can.

I don't claim that I have it perfect and that there aren't things in my life that I sometimes wish weren't  so difficult.  There are in fact many days when waking up with a sore EVERYTHING after a fitful sleep makes getting up and out of bed to face the day a less than happy thought - but - I get up anyway.
There remains things to be done, people to see, family and friends to hug, greet, text, share jokes and laugh or hang out with, articles, blog entries to be written, books to be read, books to be written and pets to feed.
(ok, fish count, as do turtles).

As long as I am alive, then I will take every opportunity to make use of the time I've got.
If that includes a doughnut, coffee or Pepsi, then you won't hear any objections from me!

I can only hope that when my time is up, people will say - it was good while it lasted, and she had the time of her life while she could.

And since I am still around, I choose to celebrate life.
I salute those who have gone before, have fun and spend quality time with people in my life who matter and wait eagerly to cheer for those who are yet to come.

If you are reading this - you, yes I mean YOU - Smile, I love you!!!  Thank you for being part of my life, y'all make this a fun ride. Salamat Po!

It's all good, folks. Really.

Mabuhay!

Walking The Fine Line

Had a doctor's appointment today. Nothing major, just the usual de riguer check up.
One of the reasons I am not very diligent about doctor's appointments is I don't enjoy the wait, which seems interminable, especially if it feels like you are waiting in a meat-locker, minus the meat and with freezing appendages to boot. I don't play video games, don't own a PSP and forgot to bring a book. Sigh.
At some point, I got to see the doctor, thankfully before the beast in my stomach made seriously menacing growling sounds, and here's the rundown:
My blood pressure remains a tad lower than the good doctor is used to and she checks thrice just to be certain. My mom sits with  me thru the course of the consult and this is how the conversation went
(more or less):
Doc: Hmmm. Your BP is still low ha, 60/90.
Mom: Mababa pa rin yon doc, di ba? (That's still low isn't it, doc?)
Doc: Well, she's always had low blood pressure (recalling previous visits)
Mom: Ano ba yung delicado 50-50? (what's the dangerous point? 50/50?)
I had to stifle a laugh - wondering if my mom realizes how funny that question sounded.
The conversation ends with:
Doc: Well, depends on the patient, as long as they are able to walk without passing out, even if their bp is low, then its okay.
Each day we find ourselves able to wake up and get through another day is an amazing thing. I think I forget that sometimes, okay, I forget that a lot. But now that I'm on the topic, let me go on.
Amazing. Incredible!
I have to remember I've got a 50/50 chance.
At being good or being better.
At being snappish or just holding my tongue when I am annoyed.
At getting up and doing something 'useful' with my time or just laying in bed and staring at the ceiling.
At pushing forward through sheer willpower or just giving up just at the thought of having to face another day.
There also is - a fine line they say, between genius and insanity. (I know a few people who are so brilliant, it seems they have crossed and re-crossed this line many times over)
I teeter along this fine line each day, that much I am sure of  - my vision and sense of balance making me believe that I'm sane on most days although I can't really say for sure.
I've got the rest of the afternoon before heading to The Sticks. Time to water the plants, type out some write-ups and fix the stuff I've to cart off for storage in the bigger space in Laguna. Oh, and wouldn't you know it?
I still have time to check email, youtube & Facebook!  Weekends are fun!
P.S.
I learned something new today - Alexander The Great, Napoleon Bonaparte, Joan of Arc, Vincent Van Gogh & Danny Glover all have Epilepsy. (in the case of the aforementioned four individuals had epilepsy if we must be specific haha)
P.P.S.
The doctor ordered blood tests again - but I need not worry about that till March. So. All good, I have until then to keep enough blood in my system to keep my heart beating.
Pass the chips and Pepsi, please.
Let's rock!