Freaky Dream Sequence

I had what I consider a strange dream last night.

Given that I have trouble sleeping in general, the fact that I actually stayed asleep long enough to dream (much less remember it so vividly) makes the experience quite fascinating for me.

My brudder had a 14 year old stalker who was obsessed with meeting him and insisted that she was his significant other.  It was only odd because - in my dream, my brudder refused to meet and face her, saying - he didn't know who this person was.

Turns out - she liked the photos he took, happened to read a poem from litratula.com with a picture that my brother had taken and somehow felt she and my bro were "connected".

As dreams go - nothing has to make sense. (is life supposed to be this way too?)

I spoke to her and asked HOW she and my brother met, which is why I know their "history". This detail is especially noteworthy because I am not the type to pry and have never been one to be the 'next in line to Boy Abunda' when it comes to interviewing for personal info.

In the next sequence...I was standing by the gate of some house, with this girl (the one who is supposedly my brudder's significant other) while she waited for her car to fetch her - we were apparently waiting up for a red escort. (do those cars even still ply the roads these days???)

I never found out if the car arrived. I woke up with a start and a thought running in my head that went - oooooooooooookay, it was about time I snapped out of THAT.  

After a few more minutes something DID make sense.

It's a Monday.

'Nuff said.

where'smycoffee?

Memento Mori

Enjoy life while you can.

The sister of a friend passed away two days ago and I visited the wake last night. I went clear across town - more for the bereaved rather than the one who has passed on. 

This is especially true for the wake I took part in (albeit for a brief period of time) in order to give my friend a hug and to let her know, tangibly that, aside from her immediate family there are friends who will stand by her through what is possibly one of the most trying moments of a person's life.

The sudden, unexpected loss of a loved one.

Many times I forget what a gift it is to have those I love within an arm's length, a hug, a text message or a phone call away.  I am guilty of passing by those I keep near and dear in my heart with not so much as a glance and quick smile.  possibly too wrapped up in whatever it is I am doing or feel that I need to do that I don't have enough time to pay attention to anything or anyone else. This happens more times than I care to remember - why? You ask.  Because they are always there anyway, and it isn't like I won't see them again in possibly a few minutes or in the morning when I wake up.

But...what if. . .
...I don't wake up?
...they don't wake up?
...something unpleasant happens between the time I last see them and the next time we meet?

Not to be setting a morbid, depressing or negative mood here. This is meant more as a  reality check. 

A gentle, although maybe not so subtle reminder to myself, a mental note via this blog entry, as you will - to take every opportunity to let those who matter to me *know* that I care about them.

When I am mindful, I remember to check in and ask family and friends how their day has been, or even the more common question - "have you eaten yet?" if only by way of checking in and letting them know - hey, you matter to me and even in the most mundane way, I'd like to make sure that things are all right in your world.

I want to remember to take the time and check in with those who matter to me, to those who make a difference in my life simply because they are part of it.

Reality check -

Death is inevitable.

Sometimes those we love leave this world when we least expect, and even when their demise is something that isn't too much of a surprise (as may be the case with the terminally or chronically ill)  the moment you find out that they are gone will always be a blow you can't begin to imagine until the truth and reality of someone's death stares you in the face.

I hope I remember to take time to let those I care about know that they are important.
That I am here for them if they need me and that I'd be more than happy to help them if I can in whatever capacity I can muster given the circumstances. MY circumstances, to be more specific.  I might not always announce my availability or willingness, but I can only hope that they trust me enough to know that all they need to do is ask.

Life should be lived, experienced, enjoyed, LIVED.
While we can - for as long as we can.

I don't claim that I have it perfect and that there aren't things in my life that I sometimes wish weren't  so difficult.  There are in fact many days when waking up with a sore EVERYTHING after a fitful sleep makes getting up and out of bed to face the day a less than happy thought - but - I get up anyway.
There remains things to be done, people to see, family and friends to hug, greet, text, share jokes and laugh or hang out with, articles, blog entries to be written, books to be read, books to be written and pets to feed.
(ok, fish count, as do turtles).

As long as I am alive, then I will take every opportunity to make use of the time I've got.
If that includes a doughnut, coffee or Pepsi, then you won't hear any objections from me!

I can only hope that when my time is up, people will say - it was good while it lasted, and she had the time of her life while she could.

And since I am still around, I choose to celebrate life.
I salute those who have gone before, have fun and spend quality time with people in my life who matter and wait eagerly to cheer for those who are yet to come.

If you are reading this - you, yes I mean YOU - Smile, I love you!!!  Thank you for being part of my life, y'all make this a fun ride. Salamat Po!

It's all good, folks. Really.

Mabuhay!

Hoppin' To It...

Happy Easter Everyone!

I never could figure out WHY a bunny would take time to hide eggs - and it isn't until now that I'm supposed to be at an age (well over 18 ;-P) that I've taken the time to look into this strange but widely accepted "practice".

Okay -

1. The Bunnies - BRING the Easter Eggs....technically...and i suppose, not having opposable thumbs, kept dropping the eggs willy-nilly and the kids would have to scrounge around the bushes and shrubs for them.

2. Bunnies do not - LAY EGGS, they are just symbols of fertility (the prolific hares and the chicken eggs)

3. This is considered the 2nd Christmas - in the Philippines, it is called - Pasko ng Pagkabuhay - The Christ has Risen from the dead - a second life - signalling that we've all been "saved".

4. Playing Angry Birds during Easter is a twisted but fun way of celebrating the 'holiday'.

5. It is important to be grateful for the gift of life - regardless of the current circumstances that we may find ourselves in.

There are often situations where we are less than happy to be a part of.  Probably feeling less than exuberant about life in general, about where we are in our 'evolution' or perhaps just the realization that we haven't evolved all that much. GAH.  But, it's better to be part of the living, and being able to contribute in ways - no matter how seemingly insignificant, towards making the world a better place to be in.

This Easter, with the resurrection of The Christ, may we remember that life - ALL life, is precious, and even if we aren't in the best of health or the most financially capable or the prettiest, most fetching individual in the room - we are all - WORTH IT.  The Universe loves YOU - believe it.

So, smile and look around you, whether you see any eggs, or any bunnies hopping around with a basket (again - HOW do they carry the basket? With their paws?) hop to the beat of life...the song is playing somewhere out there - out where dreams...come true... ;-P

duck eggs...chicken eggs...have an egg! Mabuhay!

In The Swim

We are thrust into the world, usually screaming our lungs out and gasping for air.
When we deal with the daily tasks and events in our life, we feel like we've been thrown into a giant pool and someone forgot to teach us how to swim.  
So we do the best we can to keep afloat.
We dog-paddle, thrash wildly sometimes, calmly float or wade towards the shallower part of the pool.   If we're lucky, we're thrown a life-preserver or some flotation device that keeps us from totally drowning - er, like a fish out of water.  
Sink or swim, it seems - applies not just to swimming, but to life in general.
Sure, it can be tiring, but I hear that if you just relax and let go, you might actually float! (okay, I've never really managed to do this, because I panic and start to sink)
Most times, I'm clutching at the sides of the pool, with my head just safely above the waterline - not very exciting, really. I've also tried sitting by the side of the pool with just my feet dangling in the water.  BUT - the fun in swimming is...actually swimming.
So - throwing caution to the wind, jump in and start with the freestyle!  
A cannonball jump into the water is also quite exhilarating, just make sure you choose to go off the deep end (which is where I usually go - HAHAHAHAHAHA, er, sorry, private joke I have with the voices in my head)
It being a typically bright, sunny afternoon, my thoughts turn to cooling off in the pool - too bad I think it isn't open at the moment, so I'll just have to settle for 'thinking' of swimming.
Let's not forget that I can't really be under the sun. (Okay, no side-comments about me being a creature of the night and stalking people for blood - I prefer Pepsi, thank you!)
Back to swimming.
For people who don't know how to, I suppose the idea of jumping into the water without any preparation or proper instruction can be rather scary - but - it's a whole lot like being born.  We are thrust into the world not knowing exactly how things are going to go or how we are supposed to do certain things, but we deal with it - we make choices as we go along and we LIVE. (or at least that is the idea)
I don't want to just sit at the side of the pool and watch while everyone else is having fun.  If I get bored with watching life pass me by and I decide not to do anything about it, then that would be my fault, now wouldn't it?
It's really just a matter of making up my mind to (okay, plug for Nike) JUST DO IT.
There are never any guarantees that I won't panic and nearly drown myself, but there has to be trust that somehow, I'll survive.  Whether it is out of sheer willpower and stamina, or because there are people around me who will care enough to fish me out, or throw me a life-preserver.  Shout out to my friends and family - they have always been there for me during times when I feel that I'm drowning and they manage to keep me afloat long enough to realize that even within an inch of my life left, things can only get better.
Sure, there are days when I feel like I didn't ask to be thrown into the pool, yes, there are times I wish there wasn't a damned pool at all, but since it's here, and I'm in it - there seems to be just one thing left for me to do:
Keep Swimming.
Mabuhay!  

Keep Moving...Think - Shark!

Being in near-constant pain takes some getting used to. 
(I think I may have just turned into the Queen of Understatement)
Nearly 7 years since being diagnosed with Lupus, my wrists and knees decided to celebrate by  swelling just enough to make me feel like a mini-marshmallow.  Ow.
The trick would be - either a cold compress to ease the swelling, pain medication to ignore the inevitable discomfort that accompanies moments of inflammation and a stubborn mind-set that refuses to give in to the urge to just NOT MOVE.
Now, of course, we are told that physical pain signals that something is wrong and that we should rest.  Well, what do you do when you haven't done anything particularly strenuous and your body decides to turn on the pain switch a notch higher?  
You smile, take a deep breath and hoist yourself up from the bed and move towards the counter to make a cup of coffee.  No fanfare greets you when you make it to your destination, but at least it feels like a chorus of angels hails your awakening with your first sip of coffee.
It isn't always such a challenge to have Lupus. There are "pain-neutral" days when I experience just enough of it to remind me of certain body parts that I've forgotten I had.
In fact, the day-to-day changes and experiences can prove to be quite the interesting experience - sometimes though - I wish it wasn't so taxing.  My good humor doesn't always stay within sociable limits, but never enough to make me totally give up on stepping out and meeting friends or family.
I think the trick is to keep moving anyway.  The pain will always be there, but thankfully, there are more than enough distractions to make me forget just how uncomfortable it can be, to have to deal with Arthritis or muscle pain when I'm neither close to the age of retirement or a member at a gym with a rigorous program.
Like a shark that *needs* to keep swimming, lest it sink like a rock - I've got to keep moving.  Pain? Inflammation? Dis-ease? Think - predator, not prey... Keep moving, one step at a time. Woohoo!!! 
*make sure you have your Phiten necklace on*

*STRETCH*
Mabuhay!!!

Il Gatto Pensive

With a sweeping vista of the space below him, Pusa puts his paws up on the grill and watches the commotion (or lack thereof) in the surrounding area.


I sit and watch him, as he watches the neighbors, the kids playing and the construction workers milling to and from their barracks and makeshift apartments next door.


What do cats think about?  Do they also realize they've had too much to eat? or plan out their next 'spot to visit' as they sit there seemingly bored with everything that is happening around them?  

The condo cats live quite an interesting life - only slightly less dangerous than purely stray-street-cats, since they have shelter of sorts from the rain, and a good chance of free food given either at the fire escape by other residents, or access to the garbage bin behind the building.
Cosmopolitan in their habits - since Pusa - has gone up and into the elevator with me on several ocassions. YES, he knows to ride an elevator! and I have in fact, opened my door to find this furry friend mewling loudly while he lays stretched out on the doormat of our unit. Seems they find their way around well enough, and are tolerated by most people here.  The dog-killing incident of several months ago seems a distant memory, as my mom is quick to point out that the maintenance and security personnel are more careful about getting themselves in trouble again (I called the local police to investigate when I heard the sound of a dog that howled in distress - it turns out this dog was killed because he was a 'threat' to people - i was thinking he was being considered an appetizer for the next drinking spree.  I made sure they buried him as I watched silently.)
I don't think life would be simpler if I was a stray animal, but I think there would definitely be less to worry about.  Oh, i wouldn't have a facebook account or tweet or plurk if I was a stray cat - even if I lived in a condominium complex.

As a condo cat, I'd just have to learn real quickly WHO among the residents I can trust, which floors serve the best leftovers and which landing on the fire escape provides the best respite from the elements.  
Cushy life. 
Unless I decide to cross the street, then I'd have to look out for cars that speed by every few minutes, I think I'd have it pretty good as a condo cat.
Of course, it would be better if there was one particular place I could call home.
However, things being what they are, I've got little to complain about.  
We're all still alive.  That's what counts.

Mind the Ripples...Handle Dominoes with Care & Tell the Butterflies to Sleep

I admit - today, I am guilty of playing the role of "irate customer".  The scourge of Customer Service Representatives and a blight upon the face of the socially pleasant environment. I was curt, impatient and plainly put - unpleasant.  GAH.

Now, to place this in perspective, I realize my temper got that way to begin with because my day was not off to a great start.  I woke up and found it was difficult to walk because my ankle decides to unfriend me - for some reason, the pain felt like I sprained my right foot - which was odd because I just spent the last 6 hours asleep - it was my ankle that caused me to drag my right leg and walk like I was Quasimodo personified.  Then the cold which hasn't gone away, followed closely by a short hack of a cough.  To top that off, my mom decides to rattle off a litany of things and questions ranging from - why I still had a cold, what time did I get home the night before or what was wrong with my ankle and what was being done about the internet connection that wasn't working?!  All before I've had my cup of coffee.

So - that Customer Service Agent that I spoke to on the phone became the hapless victim of my foul mood.  I was asking questions like - "so how long should I wait till the internet connection is repaired? Forever?" and I kept getting called "Sir" which added to my already dark mood.  There was an attempt to correct this, which really, didn't work - Okay, sir. GOD.

After having calmed down somewhat (read: had coffee) and finally the internet connection is back - I know that it wasn't right for me to take out my anger on the Customer Service Agent.

Like a pebble thrown into a pond, that caused a ripple effect - the ugliness of my morning seemed to spread out incrementally...the wrong domino was pushed and caused the rest to fall haphazardly out of place and the butterfly flew the wrong way.

I stared longingly at my bottle of anti-anxiety medication, being on the verge of tears that I wanted to replicate a dramatic scene from a bad film where I pushed all objects off the table, pulled items from the shelf and broke a few pieces of china to express my anger. Gee, being bipolar can be *such* a chore.  In the end, I realized that I'd have to pick up after myself anyway, so I didn't bother with making a mess.  I just took the pill, a deep breath, and played happy music - loudly.

It also helped that I had really good friends who (via sms) kept me calm and fairly rational.

This has not been one of my better days - I am reminded that I should be extra careful about taking my anger out on those who do not deserve such ill treatment, and to tread lightly and with as much grace possible given circumstances which make me feel less than happy shiny. 

I hope my actions have not caused a ripple effect of unpleasantness - and if it has - I am doing all I can to fix it.  I have to start by remaining calm.  Then by holding my peace.  Then I will keep on listening to the happy music till my mood takes a turn for the better.  If all that fails, then I think I'll go back to sleep till it is Sunday, or September. (hears the song "When September Ends" by Green Day playing in her head)

It is still all good, and The Universe STILL has a plan...I mustn't forget that.

Now WHAT is it? Hmmmmm.